Dealing with a porker

[jmanpc 5,000+ posts]

So a friend of mine back home has a fattie after him. Practically throwing herself at him (Which is considered dangerous in at least 19 states). While he was drunk and high, he consented to letting her polish his one eyed gopher. Ever since, she has been coming to his house, begging to offer him ****** favors.

He just sees it as gross... he can't bear to look at her Porky Pig face, or walrus-like exterior, complete with extra long canines, flippers and blubber. I've been telling him, though, that he should take one for the team in hopes of a good story. I have offered several suggestions to rid him of fattie, and provide years of entertainment.

I have suggested:

The Rodeo

Knowing that you are going to have relations with your woman that night, you have your friends get to your house early and hide in the closet. While doing you girl doggy style you grab her by the hair. your friends then jump out of the closet and scream rodeo. Try to hold on for 8 seconds

The Strawberry Shortcake

The action in which the male ejaculates on his partner's face, and then the male punches his partner's nose, which causes blood to stream forth. The semen and blood fluids create a red and white image, just like the icing and filling of a strawberry shortcake.

The Blumpkin

The delicately balanced art of getting your **** sucked while taking a dump.

And of course, the good old fashioned...

Donkey Punch

The Donkey Punch is when your engaged in anal *** and when your about to ejaculate you punch the poor little lady in the back of the head so her anal cavity tightens making the orgasm all that more better (for you ofcourse).

Any other suggestions for ridding him of this porker?

Click to read more...

 

[Supergumby5000 5,000+ posts]

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[DBDRAGGUY 10+ year member]

Sounds like a recipe for bad karma.

 

[Tiger Bass 5,000+ posts]

I'm going with rodeo. It'll be hard to get her to consent to a blumkin and you don't have to worry about assault charges later as with the other two.

 

[tEh koRnDog 5,000+ posts]

I'm going with rodeo. It'll be hard to get her to consent to a blumkin and you don't have to worry about assault charges later as with the other two.

x2

 

[Tiger Bass 5,000+ posts]

Oh, and in for vid

 

[DBDRAGGUY 10+ year member]

There is always ICY HOT on her side of the condom:wow: Do it at her place, and make your exit while she is stuffing the garden hose up her snatch. Smoove getaway

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

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[jmanpc 5,000+ posts]

There is always ICY HOT on her side of the condom:wow: Do it at her place, and make your exit while she is stuffing the garden hose up her snatch. Smoove getaway

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love it

 

[DBDRAGGUY 10+ year member]

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I 2nd that for pics of the fat chic.

 

[galacticmonkey 5,000+ posts]

Pull the Houdini for sure.

 

[Tiger Bass 5,000+ posts]

I thought this thread was going to be about jmanpc himself.

 

[DBDRAGGUY 10+ year member]

I thought this thread was going to be about jmanpc himself.

it is ...........on the down low though.

 

[captaincheesey 10+ year member]

Shit, just give her a cooked hot dog and be like, "Use this and pretend it's me." Then maybe she will leave the poor guy alone. I mean for her it's a win win situation. She gets something phalic to shove up her fat snatch, and free food to satisfy her fatty hunger

 

[89montero 10+ year member]

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X2