A relationship question and story (possibly need advice)...

[AllStar1500bd 5,000+ posts]

Here's the situation. I met this girl in the beginning of July, 2 weeks after her ex-bf of a year and a half had just left her for another woman. Just so you guys have some background info on this guy...

He is a construction worker, who goes from job-to-job with no steady income. He lives in his van. He left her for a stripper. The dude looks like a real scumbag. He was violent the girl, put 2 holes in her wall and constantly got into fights with her. Nevertheless, they were engaged and were to be married in January. She even started planning the wedding.

So anyway, me and the girl hang out, take 2 vacations, and I stay at her place every night for 2 months straight. We get extremely close in the process, and I feel as if I had never had as much fun with a girl as I had with her. Truthfully it was one of the best 2 months of my life. Now, just 2 weeks ago, her ex-bf comes and starts talking to her again. At first, she was like ah hell no, but now he is staying at her place in the spare bedroom because he has nowhere else to stay. She tells me that she is barely even getting some trust back to even be friends with him, because since he has been staying in the extra bedroom, they have gotten in a few fights and he put another hole in her wall downstairs. Me and the girl still hang out every night and talk on the phone for at least an hour after work, and she is trying to downplay the fact that she is even being sociable with the guy. Still, every time I am talking to her on the phone on the way home from work, she will tell me she has to go when she pulls up to her house because the guy is obviously inside and she doesn't want him to know that she is still talking to me.

Here's the catch... I am leaving for college on Saturday until June which is 200 miles away, and will be barely able to see her. I plan on still talking to her on the phone and she has told me that she will be up visiting me so we can catch a football game and walk around the city and stuff. We'll still be able to see each other on Christmas break, Spring Break, etc... What I'm asking you guys is if you think her being in a really serious year and a half realtionship with an engagement is worth getting in the middle of. I truly believe that she is the one for me, but I think that she needs to get over this guy completely before she will realize it. Time will tell, I just want to get some advice from you guys on any similar situations you all have been in? :thumb:

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[analogkid]

i cant tell you what to do but if it were me i would remember the enjoyment and fun i had with her and move on. ive been in a few bad situations before but yours is going to end up in some type of disaster. wether it be him trying to get you or her still having/hiding feelings for the other guy it dosent look good.

 

[JimJ 5,000+ posts]

Long-distance relationships rarely work ...

x2...

It's better to end it peacefully when you're still together, versus it getting ugly over the phone...

 

[MetalMaxima 10+ year member]

...but yours is going to end up in some type of disaster.

Yeah, man. I'm sorry, it really sucks, but it's the truth. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crap.gif.7f4dd41e3e9b23fbd170a1ee6f65cecc.gif

 

[AllStar1500bd 5,000+ posts]

Well, the fact is we are not officially together, just friends now. I can't live just being friends with her forever though. I think I may just give it time and see how it works out. Has anyone else had this type of situation before?

 

[Hook Me Up 10+ year member]

Long distance = No No. I meen my brother is in the exact same relationship problem.

The girl he wants was with a guy for over a year and he started talking to her while she was dating this guy. He is my brothers best friend though. my bro lives in TExas and is in the army and this girl is in IN. Now she broke up with her boyfriend for him and now they are doing the long distance thing. I dont think it iwll work out, but you know do what you feel is right. Personally the farther away the easier to move on !

 

[AllStar1500bd 5,000+ posts]

Long distance = No No. I meen my brother is in the exact same relationship problem.
The girl he wants was with a guy for over a year and he started talking to her while she was dating this guy. He is my brothers best friend though. my bro lives in TExas and is in the army and this girl is in IN. Now she broke up with her boyfriend for him and now they are doing the long distance thing. I dont think it iwll work out, but you know do what you feel is right. Personally the farther away the easier to move on !

Yes, I agree with that whole-heartedly. Neither of us want a long-distance thing at all, and I am still going to remain friends with her through it all, I just don't want to see her get back with this scum-bag. She sort of puts him on a pedastal because she was with him so long, and that is what bothers me. She is about to turn 21 also... so she can go out and meet other guys for all I care, I just don't want her to be beat around by this as$hole. I care for her so much that I just want to see her happy, even if its not with me, just as long as its not with him (haha, I know 0- hella spiteful).

 

[seth350 10+ year member]

Just remember her and keep a pic of her and move on is all you can do. And then maybe later on your paths may cross again. I told my last g/f that and Im still waiting on that crossroad, but I had to do it.

 

[marleyskater420 5,000+ posts]

Heres what I think you should do:

Continue to talk to her and spend time with her, and continue as the same. If she has any feelings for this other guy at all, all is lost, but if not, you are golden. You need to tell this girl how you feel man, otherwise you will go through life hating yourself because you didnt.

and oh 200 miles isnt too bad.

 

[mikescanlon 10+ year member]

go to college and have fun dude.

dont drone on this.. if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.. i guess.

depending on where you're going to college, you'll see plenty of very nice girls there : )

 

[Ignatowski 5,000+ posts]

if you were not leaving I would have the ex bf beat to a pulp,I was in the exact same deal with my girl,she was dating for 4 years a brick layer(his hands were huge)

he was 50 lbs heavier than me and use to come around to her house while I was there and he was drunk - after about the second time I had enough of his bullshit and went to his house(moron lived with his mother at 30 years old)

I knocked on the door and when he came out me and my buddy lou grabbed him and told him what the deal was.the ******* decked me in the face

and then lou and I proceeded to beat his face to a bloody pulp(later i found out we busted his rib and nose)

I never saw him again........

but since your leaving,I would move on......

college is a ***** fest and no man should be tired down,these are your learning years

learn to read,party and pick woman

I would still beat the Ex up though,just so he dont try to fvck with your girl,just in case bro

 

[marleyskater420 5,000+ posts]

I would still beat the Ex up though,just so he dont try to fvck with your girl,just in case bro

I garuntee you this is hands down the best advice in this thread