DBfan187
5,000+ posts
Supa's mom was here!
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
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Tales From The Shire
Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."
The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"
"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"
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Why don't witches wear panties?
Better grip on the broom.
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The bear and the rabbit
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
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A little boy wrote to Santa ...
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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Thirsty whale
What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.
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Please pass the mayo
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a ******. What is a ******, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before *** it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after ***?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
(ok, maybe a little gross)
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Hole in One
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having ***, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
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Picture perfect
A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it ."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."
:thumbsup
Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tales From The Shire
Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."
The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"
"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why don't witches wear panties?
Better grip on the broom.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bear and the rabbit
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy wrote to Santa ...
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thirsty whale
What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please pass the mayo
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a ******. What is a ******, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before *** it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after ***?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
(ok, maybe a little gross)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hole in One
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having ***, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Picture perfect
A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it ."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."
:thumbsup
