Today...

[jco1385 5,000+ posts]

Today, I was having *** with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

pwnt!

 

[jco1385 5,000+ posts]

that site is pure greatness //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/fyi.gif.9f1f679348da7204ce960cfc74bca8e0.gif

 

[tjbartjr 10+ year member]

pics of your sis?

x2.

I used to have a gf who masturbated with an electric tooth brush.

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

lawl

Today, I cut myself of a bandaid box, while trying to get a bandaid out for another cut. FML

 

[jco1385 5,000+ posts]

this shit has me tied up for the rest of the day...

Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major, he promptly said NEXT and moved on to the girl beside me. FML

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/word.gif.64b12e39f936af3b4fff38a1c0bd0244.gif

 

[w00tah 10+ year member]

"Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML"

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif:laugh://content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif:laugh://content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif:laugh://content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

Kef

 

[jco1385 5,000+ posts]

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having ***. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored." FML

i have also done this //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/fyi.gif.9f1f679348da7204ce960cfc74bca8e0.gif

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif too much jager = peen-peen no work right

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

Today, I got this HUGE package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML

 

[IDSkoT 5,000+ posts]

Other people's misery always makes me feel better

Bagel Bites make me happy. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/fyi.gif.9f1f679348da7204ce960cfc74bca8e0.gif

 

[Captain_Ahab 5,000+ posts]

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired.

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This site is great. We should have a contest to see who can make the highest rated line up.

 

[bigbangtheory 5,000+ posts]

Interesting site.

 

[tRidiot 10+ year member]

"Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML"

I actually LOL'd at that one.

 

[brynm 10+ year member]

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "******." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have ***. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

LOL!!!!

 

[▼)Ñ╩fZΣµ& 10+ year member]

haha that site is fukin gooooood! great lafffs

 

[akizzle 10+ year member]

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

LOL