The woman's guide to talking to males on the phone.

[jmanpc 5,000+ posts]

I hate my phone. And in lieu of lengthy, drawn out conversations with my g/f that have just been a waste of time, I decided to make some general rules for women regarding talking on the phone.

Rule 1: If the male is responding in one-word phrases like 'yeah', 'mmhmm' or 'okay' for extended periods of time, he does not want to be on the phone.

Rule 2: If the male is with friends, and especially while engaged in an activity such as sports or video games, the conversation should last no longer than 30 seconds.

Tip: If you talk for periods over 30 seconds at a time with no lengthy input from him, he is not paying attention.

Rule 3: Males hate redundancy. Say it once, say it right, and don't say it again.

Rule 4: When asked how is day was, and he says something like "Good", "Okay", or "Meh", that is not an open invitation to explain every intricate detail of your day.

Tip: Talk to his level. If he isn't saying much, he doesn't much want to talk, and you should recognize this. If he is talkative, feel free to carry a conversation.

Rule 5: The phone is a tool to most men; it is a means to find out information, and they would like for most conversations to be ~30 seconds.

i.e. "Hey, where are you? Are you busy? Want to go bowling? Okay, see you in 15. Bye"

Rule 6: When you talk, say something. Do not talk in circles for the sake of hearing your own voice. Say something worthwhile, and do not waste time.

Tip: Try and balance the conversation to where it isn't completely one-sided. Both parties should speak roughly equivalent amounts of time.

Rule 7: When you're out of things to say, end the conversation. Interjections like "Soooo" or "But yeahhhh..." aren't going to magically make him have something else to discuss.

Rule 8: Skip the small talk. Small talk ultimately results in an exchange of zero information. It's pretty much a waste of time and brain cells.

Tip: If at all possible, try to make the phone conversation about something you have a mutual interest in. Men shouldn't talk about ninjas and women shouldn't talk about make-up. Taking about the finer points of the last movie you saw, though, is acceptable.

Combine these general tips with some deductive reasoning to understand some of the more specific details about talking on the phone. Everyone please send this to their wife/girlfriend/significant other/sister/mom/Oprah.

Click to read more...

 

[JUHL 10+ year member]

right on brother

 

[JL Audio 5,000+ posts]

**** it i can't type shit to night. good post.

 

[dvrmstrng 5,000+ posts]

car gone no system...wtf are you driving

 

[jmanpc 5,000+ posts]

My dad's accord. He's driving a rental.

 

[reed dollaz 10+ year member]

that made me lol. did you write this yourself? should be submitted on cracked.

the ninja part was funny

 

[jmanpc 5,000+ posts]

yes, i wrote it myself.

 

[Fusion_FREAK 10+ year member]

Preach it!

Now copy this ish, and send it to all the ho's!

 

[1000101 10+ year member]

hell ya.. .anyone want some pancakes..... Bi***es

 

[Injected54 10+ year member]

yea....right...uhuh....are the only words you need to know to get through any conversation with someone that's a talker.

 

[jmanpc 5,000+ posts]

I have entire conversations that just consist of "uh huh. yeah. mmhmm. ok."

 

[Savstyle 10+ year member]

Great post

Sending to all the dumb bishes i know

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

I don't think women can understand the simplicity of the rules.

 

[John3000 10+ year member]

I have entire conversations that just consist of "uh huh. yeah. mmhmm. ok."

Those simple phrases are what get me by in my marriage. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/biggrin.gif.d71a5d36fcbab170f2364c9f2e3946cb.gif

 

[dan7532 10+ year member]

I hate my phone. And in lieu of lengthy, drawn out conversations with my g/f that have just been a waste of time, I decided to make some general rules for women regarding talking on the phone.
Rule 1: If the male is responding in one-word phrases like 'yeah', 'mmhmm' or 'okay' for extended periods of time, he does not want to be on the phone.

Rule 2: If the male is with friends, and especially while engaged in an activity such as sports or video games, the conversation should last no longer than 30 seconds.

Tip: If you talk for periods over 30 seconds at a time with no lengthy input from him, he is not paying attention.

Rule 3: Males hate redundancy. Say it once, say it right, and don't say it again.

Rule 4: When asked how is day was, and he says something like "Good", "Okay", or "Meh", that is not an open invitation to explain every intricate detail of your day.

Tip: Talk to his level. If he isn't saying much, he doesn't much want to talk, and you should recognize this. If he is talkative, feel free to carry a conversation.

Rule 5: The phone is a tool to most men; it is a means to find out information, and they would like for most conversations to be ~30 seconds.

i.e. "Hey, where are you? Are you busy? Want to go bowling? Okay, see you in 15. Bye"

Rule 6: When you talk, say something. Do not talk in circles for the sake of hearing your own voice. Say something worthwhile, and do not waste time.

Tip: Try and balance the conversation to where it isn't completely one-sided. Both parties should speak roughly equivalent amounts of time.

Rule 7: When you're out of things to say, end the conversation. Interjections like "Soooo" or "But yeahhhh..." aren't going to magically make him have something else to discuss.

Rule 8: Skip the small talk. Small talk ultimately results in an exchange of zero information. It's pretty much a waste of time and brain cells.

Tip: If at all possible, try to make the phone conversation about something you have a mutual interest in. Men shouldn't talk about ninjas and women shouldn't talk about make-up. Taking about the finer points of the last movie you saw, though, is acceptable.

Combine these general tips with some deductive reasoning to understand some of the more specific details about talking on the phone. Everyone please send this to their wife/girlfriend/significant other/sister/mom/Oprah.

I didn't even make it three lines down that post. You post like a woman.