I dont know. It was to the point I avoided it twice. One of them i ended up doing anyway, but still haha. I was trying to tell myself it's just pu.ssy, take it. Something in me was telling me it was wrong hahah. I dont know. And Ive only use a gun one time.
I guess xtreme said it, its kind of guilt. I felt the same way when I signed up for the army. Like something was going wrong.