If your reasonably smart and social you can avoid most conflicts. I usually know when it's appropriate to use depending on my surrounding and social groups involved. When I hang out with my red-neck buddies from up the creek, we listen to David Allen Coe songs and throw "n" jokes around. I can join in, laugh, and dish them out because i'm confident of it's acceptability (I know I'M not racist). The same goes for when I'm hanging out with my more urban friends, many of which are black. They know me well enough to know that If I do say the "n" word, it's context is the "n_igga" form. It's the people with no social tact who end up getting themselves into trouble.
I was raised in a very traditional, methodist, republican family from WV, the type of up bringing that one would assume would make me more prone to racism if the condition did in fact exist. Never been an issue for me, as my family has never really discussed it. However, once in a while I DO get a shock
I remember a couple years back I was showing my mom pics of a lighter-skinned black girl I was thinking of dating. My mother, who is the most bubbly, nicest lady you'd ever meet, leaned over and blurted "I don't care, but I can tell you I'm NOT having any black grandchildren". This shocked the hell out of me, cause I've never heard mom say anything like that. I got a lil angry and told her I was gona tell my friends, to which she responded with "I don't care! (laughter) No black babies in THIS family!" and walked out of the room. Another time happened over this past Thanksgiving. Our extended family is all sitting around the dinner table, making convo and talking politics, when my sweet, 80 year old grandma, who I've never even heard cuss, blurts out "I'm not voting for no n_gger, thats for sure!". The rest of the family responded nervously by chuckling and quickly changing the conversation. I'll admit though that due to my lack of urban social experiences, being raised in small rural towns all my life, I DO get kinda ancy when I'm down around the city and find myself in social situations with large groups of new black people. Lets just say I'm very "aware" of my surroundings. It goes both ways though. I was partying with my friends across from campus, and we had a deer hung up out back ready for cleaning. The black guys next store just stood there drinking 40's with their mouths hanging open, not believing what they were seeing. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the concept that something as familiar as hunting would be strange to any American, regardless of race or background.
