The importance of good hygiene

[bonesninja 5,000+ posts]

All I'm going to say is WTF

follow my ways grasshopper and you shall indulge in many dimes

 

[jmanpc 5,000+ posts]

I'm going to throw this out there: I don't shave my ***. Rectal hair is vital to maintaining a healthy anal ecosystem. Many men take their anal sideburns for granted.

Thumbs up on the writeup, though. I remember reading it last year.

 

[rocky 59 5,000+ posts]

I'd like to add a little something for us fat guys around here seeing as we see different difficulties throughout the day and with summer coming up its crunch time for husky boys:

1. avoid white shirts. lets face it unless your getting paid for it lets let the women keep the wet t-shirt contest trophies. nothing says get away from me ladies like a straight line of sweat across the chest from man *****. (I feel your pain)

And as for baby powder go easy you don't want it to look like the beginning of a magic show every time you sit down

2. When it comes to jean shorts just say NO. Look jeans+sweaty big legs= binding and utter discomfort of the man area.

3. The use of public toilets is only by a emergency basis. You don't want to be that guy that comes out of the bathroom as someone goes in and has a heart attack halfway through the door. I've been that guy don't' be that guy.

4. Wiping techniques for big guys. Listen that rod in the big stall of the mens room is not just for the handicapped taking a dump it is the for balance as you lean over and don't' be shy get that stuff outta there. And remember you are not done wipping unless you clean "Th shelf"

(you know what im talking about. Down press to the finish line of wiping.

 

[bonesninja 5,000+ posts]

I'd like to add a little something for us fat guys around here seeing as we see different difficulties throughout the day and with summer coming up its crunch time for husky boys:
1. avoid white shirts. lets face it unless your getting paid for it lets let the women keep the wet t-shirt contest trophies. nothing says get away from me ladies like a straight line of sweat across the chest from man *****. (I feel your pain)

And as for baby powder go easy you don't want it to look like the beginning of a magic show every time you sit down

2. When it comes to jean shorts just say NO. Look jeans+sweaty big legs= binding and utter discomfort of the man area.

3. The use of public toilets is only by a emergency basis. You don't want to be that guy that comes out of the bathroom as someone goes in and has a heart attack halfway through the door. I've been that guy don't' be that guy.

4. Wiping techniques for big guys. Listen that rod in the big stall of the mens room is not just for the handicapped taking a dump it is the for balance as you lean over and don't' be shy get that stuff outta there. And remember you are not done wipping unless you clean "Th shelf"

(you know what im talking about. Down press to the finish line of wiping.

a wife beater under the clean white tee should take care of the wet t-shirt problem

 

[rocky 59 5,000+ posts]

a wife beater under the clean white tee should take care of the wet t-shirt problem

You would think that but the beater creates static in between shirts making the outer shirt stick to you and then you have double the trouble. as you can see be battling "fat guy issues" for awhile

when it comes to under shirts under armor (spandex kind) is great for summer wear it all the time under work polo's. love it

 

[bonesninja 5,000+ posts]

You would think that but the beater creates static in between shirts making the outer shirt stick to you and then you have double the trouble. as you can see be battling "fat guy issues" for awhile


when it comes to under shirts under armor (spandex kind) is great for summer wear it all the time under work polo's. love it

see i work for a laundry products manufacturer....so static is never an issue for me....secrets, ahhhhhh the secrets

 

[rocky 59 5,000+ posts]

see i work for a laundry products manufacturer....so static is never an issue for me....secrets, ahhhhhh the secrets

Yes static is a big issue but clean white tee on a big guy just doesnt work....for long.

lets face it if your big enough to worry your gonna eat sometime that day. and food+white shirt= big guy with stain on his shirt //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

come on we've all seen that guy at six flags big, white shirt that you can see through and has a bbq stain on the front of hit

 

[IDSkoT 5,000+ posts]

has anyone actually taken my advice? Post your results here as i plan on publishing the book soon and i need cool quotes for the front cover

"I've followed most of what he (you) has said, and now I have to swat all the guys off like flies."

 

[bonesninja 5,000+ posts]

"I've followed most of what he (you) has said, and now I have to swat all the guys off like flies."

i like it....gay guys read books i hear

 

[IDSkoT 5,000+ posts]

"What it do"

Front cover quote: "What it do?!" - TA

Then the title: "How to get bitches all over your D."

 

[IDSkoT 5,000+ posts]

i like it....gay guys read books i hear

I should get a royalty check for this!

But on the real, hygiene used to mean nothing to me when I was 16. I was nasty. But I've shaped up. Started doing my laundry more often, I clean up after myself. Keep my room neat (well, neat enough.) And, honestly, being that "disorganized kid who didn't care" was cool when I was 16... but now that I'm getting older, chicks don't want a guy who's all mangy and what not. They want a clean decent guy. One girl straight up told me, "You WERE gunna get some... until you brought me here."

I still got the gnookie //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/fyi.gif.9f1f679348da7204ce960cfc74bca8e0.gif

 

[joeboxer5876 10+ year member]

I'm going to throw this out there: I don't shave my ***. Rectal hair is vital to maintaining a healthy anal ecosystem. Many men take their anal sideburns for granted.
Thumbs up on the writeup, though. I remember reading it last year.

please do explain the importance of the sideburns

 

[forbidden 10+ year member]

There was one hilarious write up out there somewhere of a guy who shaved his *** and then realized what a mistake it was when it started to grow back in...... funniest laugh of my life.

Swimming pool etiquette. If you are wearing your best fur coat, you had best not be going out in public pools. If your back hair is long enough to braid, the only chick you are going to land is a hippie chick who stinks worse than the laundry you are hiding in your closet.....

 

[forbidden 10+ year member]

Ah yes, a quick google search brings you all....

Don't Shave

I have recently made one of the biggest mistakes in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated. This was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ***-hair had grown to such a length that tiny balls of shit were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ***-cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me knowing that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling place. Eventually I would have to do one of two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its ‘Can't-Be-Flushed’ threshold.

As I was contemplating this problem, I had what seemed at the time to be a brilliant idea. “Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements, things like "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK, or "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my *** of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My *** was smooth as ivory. I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know?

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ***-cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. And I mean it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my *** off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4-block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my *** cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my *** at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ***-hair, ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ***-cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum-sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your *** having the texture of a Brillo pad. Well, that’s what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

All I can say is friends don’t shave your *** hair!

The end…

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

lols///

I think I need to adopt the lotion thing for my elbows.