Star Bucks Puts Crack In Their Drinks

Cocaine Found In StarBucks Drinks

Thu May 24, 2007 7:20PM EDT

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Seattle, Washington (Reuters) - Starbucks has certainly not been without their problems as of late, but they've got another to add to the list. Today, President & CEO Jim Donald and Chairman Howard Schultz have been taken into custody this morning at 11:13 by the FBI. The ingredients of their insanely popular variety of drinks has been analyzed by the FDA and found traces of cocaine in every beverage tested.

As authorities closed down a Seattle location, several customers flooded the parking lot inciting a riot. Two officers were injured in that riot. Officer William Tate (25) stated "I've never seen people go this crazy over coffee! One person even tried to sell me a VCR for five dollars just before another offered me a lewd ****** act for the same amount. What do they put in these drinks?" As police drove away with the defendants, several Starbucks customers attacked the police cruisers.

When she found out, Starbucks regular Janine Dawson (32) commented "I can't believe they've been doing this to people! I always wondered why I couldn't function if I didn't have my 2 frappacino's per day." She went on to state that "My daughter even drinks the hot chocolate! My daughters a cocaine addict!"

A Class Action lawsuit is already under way. Michael Williams (38) of Atlanta has contacted the Cochran Firm to handle the case. They're being charged with distribution of a controlled substance, reckless endangerment, Manslaughter, as well as fraud. If convicted, Schultz as well as Donald stand to receive life sentences.

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Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSCOL42859220070524

 
Not particularly funny and easy to see through if you just scroll over the address that you linked to.

And I think Starbucks sucks. There is something very pretentious about an English speaking person who has never spoken Italian in their life asking for a Venti drink.

 
Not particularly funny and easy to see through if you just scroll over the address that you linked to.
And I think Starbucks sucks. There is something very pretentious about an English speaking person who has never spoken Italian in their life asking for a Venti drink.
I say small, medium, or large. If the Mexicans can make us conform to their language, I can make them conform to ours.

 
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