Shopping with the wife

[natisfynest 10+ year member]

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least .

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif:laugh://content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

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[rc10mike 10+ year member]

I got that in an email years ago, but still funny.

 

[eharri3 10+ year member]

HILARIOUS. My GF is one of those who gets a kick out of draggin me out to do things I don't feel like doing. Then when I follow her through the store with a bored look on my face looking at my watch, standing right next to her and watching what she's doing wherever she goes she complains about how she feels she can't shop like she wants to while I'm there.

Maybe one day she will make the connection.

 

[Intrepid Bass 10+ year member]

Seen it, got it, read it, yet to try it.

 

[David19 10+ year member]

lmao

 

[traksta15 10+ year member]

What about the game where you pick 3 items to ring out and scare the cashier?

Like a clowns mask, rope, and a bottle of lube? lol

 

[natisfynest 10+ year member]

What about the game where you pick 3 items to ring out and scare the cashier?

Like a clowns mask, rope, and a bottle of lube? lol

that cost money //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crap.gif.7f4dd41e3e9b23fbd170a1ee6f65cecc.gif

 

[snoopdan 5,000+ posts]

If im shopping with my significant other....while she's looking at clothes and shit, i'm usually checking out the other chicks shopping.

 

[traksta15 10+ year member]

that cost money //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crap.gif.7f4dd41e3e9b23fbd170a1ee6f65cecc.gif

lol then just poast it

 

[01 S 10 10+ year member]

wow thats hilarious. some of them are kind of weird though like number 8 and 14. but the rest were funny... and #3... lmfaoooo

 

[gotparts90 10+ year member]

the original was kmart and i have it saved on my computer up stairs. laptop not networked ftl. I wil post it up in the thread if anyone wants it looks legit on Kmart letterhead.

 

[natisfynest 10+ year member]

hell yes post it when u can

 

[bose301s 5,000+ posts]

Amazing, I really want to try some of those, lol.