Pringles Warning

[Ignatowski 5,000+ posts]

Don’t even ****ing say a word. I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the ****.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont ****ing tell you…

Except in tiny print you cant read without a ****ing electron microscope

…is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible *** Grease."

Oh Yeah. I’m not even kidding.

So today, while I’m standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I’m telling you. THAT’s how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the ****?! What if I’d gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You ****ing Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole ****ing roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I’m clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so ****ing foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You ****ing Pringle bastards.

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the ****ing grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will ****ed sure never eat that shit again.

****ing Pringle bastards.

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. **** Pringles

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[regal8r 5,000+ posts]

lmfao

i enjoyed that. thank you

 

[duece212 5,000+ posts]

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif That sucks man!

I ate a whole bag of dorito's at work once that had "olestra" in them, same kinda shit that is in the pringles. I got so scared I was going to fart an oil slick, luckily I didn't have the problem you did //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/cool.gif.3bcaf8f141236c00f8044d07150e34f7.gif

 

[Grinder1989 5,000+ posts]

ROFL. You don't have to be so shitty about it lol.

 

[86yota 10+ year member]

Nice, disturbing read.

 

[DBfan187 5,000+ posts]

hahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahha

 

[twisztdpunisher 10+ year member]

roflmao

 

[Anniku989 10+ year member]

Rotfl

Thats hilarious

 

[Parker G 10+ year member]

I enjoyed that as well. It made for a good laugh. Thanks man

 

[tapout 5,000+ posts]

$1 shipped for the container. I need to make a new fleshlight.

 

[traksta15 10+ year member]

lol

 

[peas247 10+ year member]

straight up shart

 

[silvercookie 5,000+ posts]

that made my night.

 

[XxSuperAdamxX 10+ year member]

nice...

 

[TheFiverMan 10+ year member]

W0w.