joke thread

[meh 10+ year member]

A prison inmate dug his way out of prison. He came up in the preschool playground, while the kids were playing. He stood up and yelled " I'm Free!" then a girl beside him yells well im 4!

 

[DBfan187 5,000+ posts]

The priest in a small Irish village loved his chickens that he kept in a

coop behind the church.

One Sunday morning before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the **** was missing.

He knew about the **** fights in the village, so he decided to question his parishioners in church.

During mass, he asked his congregation "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no, that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no, that wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen a **** that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up!

"No, no, no, that wasn't what I meant. What I really really mean is, has anybody seen MY cock?"

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

 

[DBfan187 5,000+ posts]

Did you know that there are female hormones in beer? If you drink too much, it makes you talk shit and drive badly.

 

[azbass 5,000+ posts]

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

lol

 

[systemJLx 10+ year member]

There were three guys, an American, a Canadian, and a Mexican. They had been traveling for days and were very, hungry. They came across a farm that had hundreds of fruits. While they were eating, the farmer came out and caught them.

The farmer said, "Since I'm in a good mood today, I won't kill you... If you stuff 100 of your favorite fruit up your *** without laughing.

The American was up first. He chose cherries as his favorite fruit. He got up to 78 and burst out laughing. So the farmer shot him with a shotgun.

The Canadian was next and chose grapes. He got up to 92 but started laughing so the farmer killed him too. When the Canadian and the American arrived up in heaven, an angel asked them why they laughed.

They both replied, "We saw the Mexican with watermelons."

 

[systemJLx 10+ year member]

There was a German, an American, and a Mexican.

They were walking in the woods.

Suddenly a heard of buffalo came at them.

They ran and ran until they saw a shack and went in it.

2 days later the buffalo left.

The men got out of the shack only to find layers of crap everywhere!

They were forced to jump in because there was no way out.

The German took a leap and said,

" It's not bad, it's only up to my waist. "

The American took a leap and said,

" It's not bad, it's only up to my knees. "

Then the Mexican took a leap and said,

" It's not bad, it's only up to my ankles. "

The American asked, " How did you do that. "

The Mexican replied in a muffled voice, " I jumped in head first. "

 

[systemJLx 10+ year member]

A bus full of migrant workers took a turn too sharply, lost control, and went over a cliff. A sheriff arrived at the scene to see his deputy get out of a bull dozer. The deputy had just finished burying everyone involved in the crash. The sheriff asked the deputy, "were all of them dead?" The deputy replied, "well some of them said they weren't, but you know how those mexicans lie."

 

[systemJLx 10+ year member]

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gesturedalluringly to the bartender who approached her

immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his

face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said,

running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her

forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers

into his mouth and allowing him to **** them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels

in the ladies room.

i laughed hysterically at this one. bachelor one was funny too, but not as funny as this one.

 

[Ignatowski 5,000+ posts]

 

[MikeofTulsa Moderator]

There is an Indian, a Muslim, and a Cowboy sitting at a bar. After a few drinks the Indian says, "We were once many and now are few". The cowboy smirks. Next the Muslim says "We were once few and are now many". The cowboy smiles and says Thats cause we aint played Cowboys and Muslims yet.

 

[Liquid Bass 10+ year member]

ok im gona type this up but i am in no way at all racist and black ppl feel free to post any racist jokes for white ppl to but this is very funny and i think you all should hear it.

ok a truck driver with a load of black bowling balls is driving down the road in the middle of nowere when he sees a little black boy pushing a bike with flat tires, so he stops and gives the boy a ride but he puts him in the back of the trailer. so about 10 minutes later he gets pulled over and the cop asks to check his load, the truckker says ok and the cop walks back opens the door and comes running back up screaming holy shit you have a truck load of n****r eggs, ones hatched and already stole a bicycle

 

[armitank]

womens rights..

haha

 

[systemJLx 10+ year member]

awww come on mikeoftulsa... i said lol at the end //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crap.gif.7f4dd41e3e9b23fbd170a1ee6f65cecc.gif :crap: //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif

 

[jimmclrk1 10+ year member]

ok im gona type this up but i am in no way at all racist and black ppl feel free to post any racist jokes for white ppl to but this is very funny and i think you all should hear it.


ok a truck driver with a load of black bowling balls is driving down the road in the middle of nowere when he sees a little black boy pushing a bike with flat tires, so he stops and gives the boy a ride but he puts him in the back of the trailer. so about 10 minutes later he gets pulled over and the cop asks to check his load, the truckker says ok and the cop walks back opens the door and comes running back up screaming holy shit you have a truck load of n****r eggs, ones hatched and already stole a bicycle

hahahahahahahahaha

 

[LS3poweredVette 10+ year member]

If you have *** 365 times a year and melt down the condoms to make a tire, what would you call it?

A god damned goodyear!