fyi

IamDeMan
5,000+ posts

Banned
Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for

over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why,

without the Leak GuardCore™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never

go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear

of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my

favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being

the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi

pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each

month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered

from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't.

Well, my 'time of the month' is starting right now. As I

type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through

my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be

transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred

hillbilly with knife skills.'

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division,

you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly

happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore,

you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure,

and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control

behavior.

You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that

America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...

Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I

wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an

Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were

these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you ****ing kidding me? Does any part of your tiny

middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,

laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned

above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless

you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything

'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and

Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to

the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end

your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, if you just have to slap a moronic

message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say

something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put Down the Hammer' or

'Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,

effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly

profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I

will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss

your brand of condescending bull ****. And that's a promise I will

keep.

Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

 
what's that ***** talking about. my gf is happy on her period //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/confused.gif.e820e0216602db4765798ac39d28caa9.gif

but maybe thats just cause ive earned by red wings.

 
what's that ***** talking about. my gf is happy on her period //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/confused.gif.e820e0216602db4765798ac39d28caa9.gif


but maybe thats just cause ive earned by red wings.
//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crap.gif.7f4dd41e3e9b23fbd170a1ee6f65cecc.gif
 
Activity
No one is currently typing a reply...

About this thread

IamDeMan

5,000+ posts
Banned
Thread starter
IamDeMan
Joined
Location
/dev/null
Start date
Participants
Who Replied
Replies
22
Views
515
Last reply date
Last reply from
ngsm13
IMG_1882.jpeg

slater

    Oct 4, 2025
  • 0
  • 0
Screenshot_20251004_120904_Photo Translator.jpg

1aespinoza

    Oct 4, 2025
  • 0
  • 0

New threads

Top