Just after I turned 18, I started working at a call center that did customer service for what was then AT&T (which became Cingular, which became at&t...imagine explaining that to customers). For a little over a year, I worked the best shift of my life: Sunday - Thursday, 3:30 to Midnight. You could go out every night after work and not be worried about how you'll feel the next day. It was also like you had three weekend evenings: where normally you had Friday and Saturday, the late start on Sunday gave me Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Naturally this led to many shenanigans. One particular evening, I got especially Gordon Bombay'd. For reasons I still don't understand, I thought it was a good idea to drink 5 or 6 beer, get high, drink 2 more beer, get high again, do some shots of vodka, get high again, and then chug about a litre's worth of paralyzer. Naturally I ended up very sick in the bathroom (and equally sick outside on my way home), but, before I left, we started up a conversation on weird perverse ****** acts. This inspired me to find as much obscure shit as possible and compile a list.
The next day at work, I logged into a friend's NT account and opened their email (he had quit about a week earlier). From that email, I sent out a list of these ****** acts that totaled 102 different forms of erotica. I sent this to a handful of people originally, but the list soon grew in popularity and was sent to pretty much everyone in the call center that had a workforce at the time of over 1,000 people. Things turned sour, though. Someone mentioned a particular act and an overhearing supervisor was so offended that they sought to get to the bottom of this email. Over a period of a month, there were at least 10 people that were fired for forwarding this list around the call center. Meanwhile, I kept on doing what I was doing (exceptional work and nothing but) while praying that the list would never be traced back to me.
Of course, now you're wondering what the point of the story is. The act that offended the overhearing supervisor? Well, it was the blumpkin. That's right: getting your dick sucked while sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. Luckily, I was able to escape unscathed (even ascending to a relatively elite position in the company before moving on to greener pastures) and, even more telling, there are maybe 10 people who have ever worked there that know I did it.
Some days I miss causing ruckus instead of over-thinking everything.
Other popular acts included:
- The Spider-man
- The Houdini
- The Trojan Warrior
- The Cleveland Steamer
- The One-Eyed Pirate
- and many more
God, I must be bored as shit to have typed that story out.
