vehementSPL
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Elite
1. Assuming that *** means a relationship. The only relationship you have is
that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it
goes unless otherwise noted.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time.
Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is
the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell
him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and
you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. *** makes most
women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a
biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's
not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is
uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when
it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's
nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is
like expecting you to act like a **** star all the time. If you're not
willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our
throats, *** is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using Cosmo as a *** bible. I don't know who comes up with half that
shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his **** instead of stroking your
hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right,
and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to
the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about
to get some *****. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it
concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. I'm pretty bad at this myself. But if you want
your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some
people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you
have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of
Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular
belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to
stop being a frigid *****. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it
out.
15. Withholding oral *** just because you're ragging. He didn't do it.
Unless you want him to withhold oral *** because he's hormonal, I suggest
you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your
words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having
***? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was
causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like
"I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was
putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he
uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men
keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his.
If you think that makes you a ****, you shouldn't be having *** anyway. Go
back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be
fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended
when he calls you his dirty little ****. When he calls you a ***** and tells you
to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a
sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes ***
OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. *** is a
dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but
having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall.
Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a ***** to tell him what is or isn't acceptable
before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the
butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look
surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his **** in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a
fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If you're shy, dim the lights, but give the man
something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers,
either.
24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the
work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give
him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do
something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor
stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's
your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do
something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you.
Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how
you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting *****, fooling around and then deciding that you
just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice
to stop, but don't look all ****ing surprised when he's confused. You
got him ***** in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big ****ing deal.
Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours,
push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things
all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have
things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to
kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his
penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, ****
on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you
most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the
mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for *** when he tries
to ***** **** you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You
get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the
bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it
against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and
giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're
not making anything. You are *****. With another person. Making strange faces
and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. *** is funny. Actually it's hilarious.
Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head
on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's
how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a ***** fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I
know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a
3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really.
Grab a bottle of water.
that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it
goes unless otherwise noted.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time.
Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is
the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell
him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and
you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. *** makes most
women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a
biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's
not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is
uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when
it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's
nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is
like expecting you to act like a **** star all the time. If you're not
willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our
throats, *** is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using Cosmo as a *** bible. I don't know who comes up with half that
shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his **** instead of stroking your
hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right,
and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to
the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about
to get some *****. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it
concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. I'm pretty bad at this myself. But if you want
your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some
people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you
have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of
Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular
belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to
stop being a frigid *****. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it
out.
15. Withholding oral *** just because you're ragging. He didn't do it.
Unless you want him to withhold oral *** because he's hormonal, I suggest
you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your
words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having
***? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was
causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like
"I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was
putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he
uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men
keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his.
If you think that makes you a ****, you shouldn't be having *** anyway. Go
back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be
fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended
when he calls you his dirty little ****. When he calls you a ***** and tells you
to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a
sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes ***
OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. *** is a
dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but
having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall.
Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a ***** to tell him what is or isn't acceptable
before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the
butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look
surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his **** in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a
fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If you're shy, dim the lights, but give the man
something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers,
either.
24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the
work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give
him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do
something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor
stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's
your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do
something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you.
Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how
you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting *****, fooling around and then deciding that you
just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice
to stop, but don't look all ****ing surprised when he's confused. You
got him ***** in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big ****ing deal.
Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours,
push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things
all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have
things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to
kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his
penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, ****
on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you
most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the
mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for *** when he tries
to ***** **** you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You
get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the
bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it
against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and
giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're
not making anything. You are *****. With another person. Making strange faces
and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. *** is funny. Actually it's hilarious.
Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head
on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's
how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a ***** fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I
know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a
3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really.
Grab a bottle of water.
