My life goal/challenge.....what ya think?

[budahbuddy803 10+ year member]

feels way too happy, content, satisfied for a Tuesday night. It is way past my bed time. I should maybe do more school work??? No, I'm on track. I have lots of anxiety often, but most everyone does right? I am depressed sometimes, OK. I feel sometimes that I could of tried just a little bit harder, and at the same time feel like I could have done a little less. Doesn't everyone? //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif Life is what is what it is......what are you going to do to recognize the fantastic things that you can feel, smell, accomplish, hear, see, touch by yourself???? You are the most important person, and you be you, not what someone else expects or wants. Do not be society.............unless you want to miss out on things before you die I guess.

The question is, what is the CORRECT thing to do with your life? To me that depends on your values. For example: family, religion, independence, group work, accomplishments ( no matter what they are), self gratification, short term goals, long term goals,......... you decide what you want and how you want to live. Me, personally, I want a very happy wife who make me happy as well, one maybe two children that i can financially afford, a career that i enjoy, and to be able to retire. If you feel that you are unhappy, heading in the wrong direction, or need to make a few changes to reach any goals, do it! Happiness is key and I want to do everything I can to be as happy as possible one day at a time

Do as I say, not as I do, but this is pretty much my life wrapped up in a bottle. I aim to reach my goals, but have a difficult time like every average, middle class human I imagine.

Who agree, who disagrees, who wants to add something?

EDIT: Let me add these are my feelings, thought process, and encouragement coming from someone who's brother passed away the 8th of October last year, and who's best friend of 9 years and girlfriend of 2 of those last years has broken up with me and will not talk to or ever consider being friends with me anymore, no communication or anything.......pretty much my closest immediate sibling and my closest/best female friend will not ever speak to me. I have no hard feelings towards the g/f but she says throughout the 2 years i didnt do a **** thing for her and she has no good memories of me, when i no that is a lie. Only thing i did to the girl was black out and aggresively through her on my bed and said i would **** her, and then i apparently blacked out and sent some **** woman a romantic fb message which i archived and she found. I was honest, never cheated on her, did everything i could without spending too much money on her..... I dont know, but after my birthday I am sticking to very small amounts of alcohol and marijuana in order to just say fvck it and ride my bike for hours or go meet random women,

The thing with people in clemson is the they are so stuck up, only **** with frat guys, are ugly, or dumb. The ex fit in with a few of those categories but was one i would love to marry in a few years and that is out the window because she HATES me for some reason haha I know the reason, but after a few month I hope she realizes i am still a good friend and want what is best for her and makes her the happiest.......

End of my EMO rant. drugs made me hahaha

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[galacticmonkey 5,000+ posts]

This thread is stupid.

 

[budahbuddy803 10+ year member]

Thank you. what are your goals, aspirations, and mistakes you have made so far?

EDIT: If this doesnt relate to anyone on here I need mass therapy or rehabilitation IMO. I am not addicted to any drug, just do random drugs when I get bored and am lonely..... you could relate them to parents separating leaving me with more independence and choice at 14 years old. Maybe my druggie brother who kinda helped me figure out the right things to mess with, how to mess with them, and what/who to avoid. Or maybe my father who has never once said he loved me and doesn't know how to raise boys because he (kinda) fucked up himself although he is doing very well financially. You could blame the usage on the past girlfriends and emotion depression, OR you could blame it on my love for all sorts of drugs after I have tried them.

HOWEVER, I feel that alcohol is a terrible gateway in the fact that after 1-3 beers I want to be "more fvcked up" meaning MORE ALCOHOL, even though I know I am content with the alch % in my body already, which relates more to peer pressure since everyone else is drinking, therefore I cannot stop or it would be weird if i stopped drinking bc everyone's main obj is to get fvcked up and I am either way above there level, not to their level, or more mature than what there are thinking or trying to do (this is what I hope), But even after realizing that I am drunk and need no marijuana, cocaine, pills, anything like that, my brain takes those negative thoughts and pushed the positive, euphoric feeling in font of the negative feelings way to easily so i collapse no matter how much extra cash I have.......

Marijuana I used to smoke one bowl.....3 grams a day and be fine with spreading that thru my school work, lunch, dinner, and until i wanted one hit before bed. No beer evolved. Now my room mate drink a min of 6 beers a day so i started keeping up and surpassing him with like 12-16 a day to get smashed and go to sleep after i finish my school work from 8am-7pm. Then i crack my beer and those don't stop til i REALLY NEED to go to bed. I have no hangover after 12-16 beers without any food except breakfast, a chewy bar, and pack of crackers. THEN i get into what else can i do since I am buzzed off of beer.......marijuana? coke? Xanax or some other form or a similar chemically produced and prescribed drugs or hang out with my room mate that is drinking beers and doing other things and going to bed at 9om? Guy down the street that I know is BORING. Other good friends I have do the same amount of schooling, they just do it at night which is when I am finished so I am isolated and cannot hang. I enjoy doing things with people that I like such as sports, exercise, studying, TV, internet, and especially playing guitar or drums. BUT now I have found that doing all those activities are more fun on one of the drugs than it is sober.......without anyone noticiing I am on some sort of drug and when the congradulate me for things i do i feel like i am doing nothing wrong..........Yes, I am on a drug right now, but most every drugs I take makes me think about how stupid the purchase and procedure really is and how much "it doesn't mean to reality." You are smarter and remember things better without any drugs except amphetamines (adderole, vivance,etc.) but I was never a fan of medicine when i was young, and i still dont like it, so why do i like pain killers, anti-anxiety, uppers, downers, psychedelics, etc,????????

HAHA read if you dare considering this is more of less my realization the beginning of this past school semester because I was never this heavily involved in drugs or deaths so close to me, BUT I have noticed and will change on my birthday NOV 19th. I may post in this thread the days i do nothing but marijuana and alcohol for myself to keep track of how long i have been "clean."

One other things, i dont do drugs near, in, or around my school and I dress fairly "preppy" or "fratty" because it is most "appropriate" and "appreciated" around campus. No one in any of my classes know that I drink or smoke or anything. I'm a closet user unless you are a good friend.

HAHA I should go to a doctor huh?

 

[budahbuddy803 10+ year member]

This thread is stupid.

My drugs and personal problems are stupid IMO. Just seeing if i am the only stupid one that is not in rehab, jail, or without a computer.... Just a simple experiment.

 

[budahbuddy803 10+ year member]

This thread is stupid.

It is also crazy to me that most of my intelligent friends here at Clemson University are engineers..... BioE, IE, ME, CE, Pre-Med, all decently respective majors as a top #20 ranked public school and ALL of them have done the same drugs as me. Maybe they didnt start at the age I did, or have used them quite as much ,but all smoke weed, binge drink, use cocaine, and some sort of psycadelic in there day or once to twice a week and do VERY VERY well. Those are just engineering majors too. I know many other that are sitting above 4.0s while using harder drugs than me........... WHY IS THERE A WAR ON DRUGS?????????? If you do them, do them, you get addicted then get addicted, if you REALLY want to stop you will take to time and put in effort to stop ANYTHING!!!!! meth, opiates, coke, crack, benzo's etc. It may take time, work, and money but it is worth it in the long run.

 

[budahbuddy803 10+ year member]

Sorry to keep bumping this unfavored thunderdome thread, but this is more for myself to come out publicly to no one that I know. But, not that is has been done, I feel an obligation to come back and update the thread if i happen to do something other than alcohol or marijuana after Nov. 19. I plan on documenting the drugs I do before then also in hopes to see a drastic change.

Ill start today....... 12 Budweiser bottles, .5g soft, 1.5mg anti anxiety, 1 donated marijuana cigg., 4 dips, 4 ciggs. Hopefully tomorrow drastically decreases, and like i said hate me, love me, relate to me, but this is something that I am doing as an independent recovering "drug addict" that I consider myself. I feel that in no point in life should you heavily abuse drugs, and I feel I am doing exactly what I do not believe in as far as what is "good" for myself and/or whichever society/role/status that I belong

too,

 

[05fronty 5,000+ posts]

i'm not reading all of that bullshit

 

[06goat 10+ year member]

All i can see is some cracked out hipster typing fast as a motherfuqer.

 

[thevic24 5,000+ posts]

Bro do you have access to a loaded gun?

If not....I have one he can have....

 

[thevic24 5,000+ posts]

"1 donated marijuana cigg."

Bro....

ITS CALLED A JOINT:fyi:

and I did just read all of that chit......now I wann off my self....

 

[dumple 5,000+ posts]

recovering while using that makes sense youfail

 

[brodeisel 10+ year member]

i got a place you can go and off yourself at with a gun of your choice.

 

[Louisiana_CRX 5,000+ posts]

you should lead a gangsta life like me....enjoy the nicer things in life and fvck th' rest.....

 

[thevic24 5,000+ posts]

you should lead a gangsta life like me....enjoy the nicer things in life and fvck th' rest.....

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