Instructions for Changing Oil

[CaliforniabOY5 10+ year member]

Instructions for Changing Oil in your vehicle

Oil Change instructions for Women :

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil

change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

 

Oil Change $25.00

&nbs p;

Coffee $1.00

 

Total $26.00

================================================== ========

Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of

Oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check

for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty

litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and

twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere

from holes.

Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid

environmental penalties.

Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket

surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty

litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used

to clean

Drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and

bang

Knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any

missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving significant other, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

 

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $20.00

 

Total -- $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

Click to read more...

 

[2002XLT 5,000+ posts]

lol

 

[steveyblack 10+ year member]

i heard this before and there is more

 

[Mr Wiggl3s 10+ year member]

**** right man

 

[Captain_Ahab 5,000+ posts]

i use the woman method

 

[azbass 5,000+ posts]

fag

 

[BassAce 10+ year member]

Lmao.

lol at #16.

 

[Eugenics 5,000+ posts]

oil filters really piss me off.

 

[nickf rom ROE 10+ year member]

the filter on the Ecotec motor is so easy to change its stupid

all you gotta do is find the casing for the cartrage on the top of the motor and swap out the used cartrage

 

[SyKo13 5,000+ posts]

19 & 20 //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

 

[phantom240 5,000+ posts]

i use the woman method

Woman method = cross threaded oil plug, resulting in an oil leak, which turns into a bigger oil leak to the point where the car is pissing oil. Then, while removing the plug and draining your oil, you discover said crossthreaded plug, and vow never to get your oil changed by those numnut bastards again.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

It doesn't cost me that much

but I always use Lucas Oil at every oil change. I buy it by the gallon, but only use 1 qrt at a time. It works wonder

 

[SyKo13 5,000+ posts]

Show off

 

[DragonCub 10+ year member]

what do you guys do with you oil filters?

and I can never find the oil wrench and when i do find it, it doesn't fit the filter, my filter is so **** big. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/mad.gif.c18f003ab0ef8a0d9c27ca78d77a6392.gif