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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Acidburn" data-source="post: 840477" data-attributes="member: 551463">second part: Why do women skydivers wear tampons? So they don't whistle on the way down. How can you tell if a woman is really fat? She goes to Japan, and the sumo wrestlers cower in fear. How can a woman tell she is flat-chested? She looks down her dress and the only bumps she sees are knees. Why is a woman's ***** like a warm toilet seat? They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb. What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth? Albert Einstein's dick. Why are fat girls so much fun at country-western bars? You can get them drunk and play the washboard on their chins. Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them. Why did God make man first? He didn't want to have a woman looking over his shoulder. What do Kermit the Frog and Roseanne Barr's husband have in common? They both enjoy ****ing pigs. What's the definition of Male Chauvinist Pig? A man who hates every bone in a woman's body--except his own. What's the definition of a menstrual period? A bloody waste of ****ing time. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs while you vacuum. Why does it take 5 women with PMS to change a light bulb? (Scream) IT JUST DOES!! How can you tell if a woman really likes oral ***? She hikes up her skirt every time someone yawns. How can you tell a woman has a huge ***? You have to take a mule to get to the bottom of her crack. How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They let the ***** do it after she finishes the dishes. How can a woman tell if her ***** really stinks? A fly lands on it and throws up. Did you hear about Delta Burke's tragic ******* attempt? She tried to harpoon herself. Did you hear about the Nancy Kerrigan special at Kentucky Fried Chicken? Two small breasts and a bruised thigh. How can you tell if a woman is flat-chested? She needs suspenders to hold up her bra. What do you call a 300 pound woman? Fat. How can you tell a woman is really trashy? She brings a date to her wedding. How can you tell a woman is really ugly? A cannibal takes one look at her and orders a salad. How can you tell your wife is really gross? One day she doesn't wear underwear and the dog pukes. How do you know a woman is to fat? Young lovers try to carve their initials into her leg. How can you tell if a woman's cooking is really lousy? Natives from the Amazon come to dip their arrows in it. Did you hear about the new feminine hygiene spray called SSY? That's what you have left after you take the PU out of *****. Why do women have two holes? So when they get drunk you can carry them like a six-pack. How are clams like women? When the red tide comes you don't eat them. Why do women have belly buttons? To hold your gum on the way down. Why should the Army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? They fight like animals and retained water for four days. Why is a fat woman like a moped? They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want you're friends to see you on either one. Why can't you trust women? How can you trust something that can bleed for five days and not die? What's the best thing about a blowjob? Ten minutes of silence. How can you tell a woman is wearing pantyhose? a) Her ankles swell up when she farts. b) Her toes curl each time you thrust. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don't have balls to scratch. How do you get a feminist out of a tree? Cut the rope. Why did Helen Keller use two hands to **********? One to do it and one to moan.</blockquote>

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