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<blockquote data-quote="Acidburn" data-source="post: 694718" data-attributes="member: 551463">&amp;gt;Subject: GOTTA LOVE THE SIMPLE FOLK???&amp;gt;&amp;gt;Top 8 morons of 2004... (Take a minute and have a good laugh)&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp; 1.&nbsp;&nbsp; AT&amp;amp;T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he&amp;gt;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; lacked intellectual leadership.&nbsp; He received a $26 million&amp;gt;severance package. Perhaps it&#039;s not Walter who&#039;s lacking intelligence.&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp; 2.&nbsp;&nbsp; WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:&amp;gt;&nbsp; &nbsp; Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to&amp;gt;subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.&nbsp; After&amp;gt;firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was&amp;gt;standing beside them in the police line, shouting, &quot;Please come out and&amp;gt;give yourself up.&quot;&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp; 3.&nbsp;&nbsp; WHAT WAS PLAN B???&amp;gt;&nbsp; A San Francisco man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a&amp;gt;motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller&amp;gt;machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own&amp;gt;bank accounts.&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp; 4.&nbsp;&nbsp; THE GETAWAY!&amp;gt;&nbsp; A man walked into a Sacramento Kwik Stop and asked for all the&amp;gt;money in the cash drawer.&nbsp; Apparently, the take was too small, so to&amp;gt;increase his income he tied up the store clerk and worked the&amp;gt;counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp; 5.&nbsp;&nbsp; DID I SAY THAT???&amp;gt;&nbsp; Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who&amp;gt;just wouldn&#039;t control himself during a lineup.&nbsp; When detectives asked&amp;gt;each man in the lineup to repeat the words: &quot;Give me all your money&amp;gt;or I&#039;ll shoot,&quot; the man shouted, &quot;That&#039;s not what I said!&quot;&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp; 6.&nbsp;&nbsp; ARE WE COMMUNICATING??&amp;gt;&nbsp; A man spoke frantically into the phone, &quot;My wife is pregnant and&amp;gt;her contractions are only two minutes apart!&quot;&nbsp; &quot;Is this her first&amp;gt;child?&quot; the doctor asked.&nbsp; &quot;No you idiot!&quot; t he man shouted, &quot;This is her&amp;gt;husband!&quot;&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp; 7.&nbsp;&nbsp; NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!&amp;gt;&nbsp; In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for&amp;gt;trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.&nbsp; King used a&amp;gt;thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed&amp;gt;to keep his hand in his pocket, (hellllllooooooo!).&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp; 8.&nbsp;&nbsp; THE GRAND FINALE (You Gotta Love This One...!)&amp;gt;Last summer, on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an&amp;gt;hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were&amp;gt;&nbsp; having a problem.&nbsp; No matter how hard they tried, they couldn&#039;t&amp;gt;get their brand new 22-ft boat going.&nbsp; It was very sluggish in almost&amp;gt;every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.&nbsp; After&amp;gt;about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby&amp;gt;marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.&nbsp; A&amp;gt;thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.&amp;gt;The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the&amp;gt;propeller was the correct size and pitch.&nbsp; So, one of the marina guys&amp;gt;jumped in the water to check underneath.&nbsp; He came up choking on water, he&amp;gt;was laughing so hard he gagged and almost drowned.&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp;&nbsp; This is true...&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&nbsp;&nbsp; Under the boat, still strapped securely in place , was the trailer.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Acidburn, post: 694718, member: 551463"] >Subject: GOTTA LOVE THE SIMPLE FOLK??? > >Top 8 morons of 2004... (Take a minute and have a good laugh) > > 1. AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he > lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million >severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. > > 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: > Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to >subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After >firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was >standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and >give yourself up." > > 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? > A San Francisco man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a >motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller >machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own >bank accounts. > > 4. THE GETAWAY! > A man walked into a Sacramento Kwik Stop and asked for all the >money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so to >increase his income he tied up the store clerk and worked the >counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. > > 5. DID I SAY THAT??? > Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who >just wouldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked >each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money >or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" > > 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? > A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and >her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first >child?" the doctor asked. "No you idiot!" t he man shouted, "This is her >husband!" > > 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! > In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for >trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a >thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed >to keep his hand in his pocket, (hellllllooooooo!). > > 8. THE GRAND FINALE (You Gotta Love This One...!) >Last summer, on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an >hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were > having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't >get their brand new 22-ft boat going. It was very sluggish in almost >every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After >about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby >marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A >thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. >The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the >propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys >jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he >was laughing so hard he gagged and almost drowned. > > This is true... > > Under the boat, still strapped securely in place , was the trailer. [/QUOTE]

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