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The street sweeper
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<blockquote data-quote="geardownson" data-source="post: 3141955" data-attributes="member: 563195"><p>Some of you may have already seen this But for those who havent...</p><p></p><p>Basically these are the stories of a street sweeper.(the guy that cleans parking lots an such) Some are pretty good. I found this one pretty dam funnah</p><p></p><p>Rematch: Bruiser vs. Ricers, Part 1!</p><p></p><p>A different night than the last story; a different town even.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, idiocy knows no geographic boundaries.</p><p></p><p>In my town, during the summer, when the days are hot and the nights are muggy, a battle is waged. During the day, the streets of my fair town are owned by workers, yuppie commuters, and traffic stacked so long it takes you 30 minutes to go 2 miles.</p><p></p><p>But during the night, oh the glorious night, the streets are laid siege by various factions.</p><p></p><p>Service workers: Parking lot sweepers, Main road sweepers, delivery trucks, road crews.</p><p></p><p>The Law: Brave men and women sworn to protect and serve. They go easy on Service workers because we're busy running place to place and often have to practice "Creative Driving" to get there on time.</p><p></p><p>Drunks: Only appear during the "Blitz". The "Blitz" occurs every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights at 3 am. After the liquor stores are long closed and the bars are shutting down, my streets see an influx of drunk driving like never before.</p><p></p><p>The Kids: High School is out, the weather is warm, and the Yuppie spawn gather in empty lots. They spend their parents' money on body mods and "performance" parts for late model Japanese cars. They own the entire Fast and the Furious collection and ******** onto a poster of Paul Walker... hourly.</p><p></p><p>Now that you have the full picture of summer nights, I want to start at the beginning.</p><p></p><p>A good friend of mine, JD, had just graduated from Nashville Auto Diesel College (NADC)a few weeks previous. Simply put, he knew his poo poo about all things automotive.</p><p></p><p>Bruiser! Hey, they gave you a new truck, right?</p><p></p><p>Well, as new as they come.</p><p></p><p>What kind is it</p><p></p><p>It's a 2004 Chevy chassis, 110k on the odo.</p><p></p><p>Heavy duty?</p><p></p><p>Of course</p><p></p><p>Are you finished with work for tonight? (it was about 10pm)</p><p></p><p>Well, being that a rouge low pressure is spinning over head, kicking up 30 mile and hour winds, dumping rain so hard the entire mid-state is under a flash flood warning, and I double bagged my cans last night, Yes. Yes I am.</p><p></p><p>What are you doing right now?</p><p></p><p>Riding the clock like a two dollar *****.</p><p></p><p>Swing by my house.</p><p></p><p>I finished up the last remaining cans and sped over to his place. The garage door opened up and he motioned me in. We shook hands and shot the poo poo for a few minutes. And then he looked at me conspiratorially.</p><p></p><p>I want you to take a look at something.</p><p></p><p>Sure, what is it.</p><p></p><p>He threw a cloth back along the far work bench. Under it was a set of devices.</p><p></p><p>These babies connect to the computer in your truck and let me... do stuff.</p><p></p><p>Do stuff? Are you going to surprise *** my truck, JD?</p><p></p><p>No, this one will let me adjust things like your fuel injection system and, these other do other various things that you don't know about. I just got them off of eBay and I'm dying to try them out.</p><p></p><p>Cute. But what's the point?</p><p></p><p>I want to make you go fast.</p><p></p><p>I like the way you think.</p><p></p><p>One more thing.</p><p></p><p>And he pulls a loving cold air intake out of a box.</p><p></p><p>What the gently caress?</p><p></p><p>This is off of my old truck. It's close, but I can make this work.</p><p></p><p>How long will all of this take?</p><p></p><p>The tuning part won't take long at all. I can finish it before you head back later tonight. That low isn't moving off anytime soon and there's a poo poo load of rain moving up from the Gulf. 5 gets you 10 that you're going to be in the same situation tomorrow night. Show back up and I'll drop this in here for you.</p><p></p><p>And that's exactly how it happened. I cooked the books on my logs, smoked cigarettes, and relaxed the rest of the night. Sure as poo poo, the rain didn't move off and the wind kept my properties fairly clean the next night. I showed up, repeated, and finally JD looked up at me under the hood.</p><p></p><p>Mwahahahaha!</p><p></p><p>She's done?</p><p></p><p>Let's take her out.</p><p></p><p>And boy did we take her out. I jammed down on the gas and the truck screamed down his neighborhood. I took it out on the interstate and reached a hair under a buck ten. This. Was. Amazing.</p><p></p><p>And little did I know, I would need everything this truck had....</p><p></p><p>__________________</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="geardownson, post: 3141955, member: 563195"] Some of you may have already seen this But for those who havent... Basically these are the stories of a street sweeper.(the guy that cleans parking lots an such) Some are pretty good. I found this one pretty dam funnah Rematch: Bruiser vs. Ricers, Part 1! A different night than the last story; a different town even. Unfortunately, idiocy knows no geographic boundaries. In my town, during the summer, when the days are hot and the nights are muggy, a battle is waged. During the day, the streets of my fair town are owned by workers, yuppie commuters, and traffic stacked so long it takes you 30 minutes to go 2 miles. But during the night, oh the glorious night, the streets are laid siege by various factions. Service workers: Parking lot sweepers, Main road sweepers, delivery trucks, road crews. The Law: Brave men and women sworn to protect and serve. They go easy on Service workers because we're busy running place to place and often have to practice "Creative Driving" to get there on time. Drunks: Only appear during the "Blitz". The "Blitz" occurs every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights at 3 am. After the liquor stores are long closed and the bars are shutting down, my streets see an influx of drunk driving like never before. The Kids: High School is out, the weather is warm, and the Yuppie spawn gather in empty lots. They spend their parents' money on body mods and "performance" parts for late model Japanese cars. They own the entire Fast and the Furious collection and ******** onto a poster of Paul Walker... hourly. Now that you have the full picture of summer nights, I want to start at the beginning. A good friend of mine, JD, had just graduated from Nashville Auto Diesel College (NADC)a few weeks previous. Simply put, he knew his poo poo about all things automotive. Bruiser! Hey, they gave you a new truck, right? Well, as new as they come. What kind is it It's a 2004 Chevy chassis, 110k on the odo. Heavy duty? Of course Are you finished with work for tonight? (it was about 10pm) Well, being that a rouge low pressure is spinning over head, kicking up 30 mile and hour winds, dumping rain so hard the entire mid-state is under a flash flood warning, and I double bagged my cans last night, Yes. Yes I am. What are you doing right now? Riding the clock like a two dollar *****. Swing by my house. I finished up the last remaining cans and sped over to his place. The garage door opened up and he motioned me in. We shook hands and shot the poo poo for a few minutes. And then he looked at me conspiratorially. I want you to take a look at something. Sure, what is it. He threw a cloth back along the far work bench. Under it was a set of devices. These babies connect to the computer in your truck and let me... do stuff. Do stuff? Are you going to surprise *** my truck, JD? No, this one will let me adjust things like your fuel injection system and, these other do other various things that you don't know about. I just got them off of eBay and I'm dying to try them out. Cute. But what's the point? I want to make you go fast. I like the way you think. One more thing. And he pulls a loving cold air intake out of a box. What the gently caress? This is off of my old truck. It's close, but I can make this work. How long will all of this take? The tuning part won't take long at all. I can finish it before you head back later tonight. That low isn't moving off anytime soon and there's a poo poo load of rain moving up from the Gulf. 5 gets you 10 that you're going to be in the same situation tomorrow night. Show back up and I'll drop this in here for you. And that's exactly how it happened. I cooked the books on my logs, smoked cigarettes, and relaxed the rest of the night. Sure as poo poo, the rain didn't move off and the wind kept my properties fairly clean the next night. I showed up, repeated, and finally JD looked up at me under the hood. Mwahahahaha! She's done? Let's take her out. And boy did we take her out. I jammed down on the gas and the truck screamed down his neighborhood. I took it out on the interstate and reached a hair under a buck ten. This. Was. Amazing. And little did I know, I would need everything this truck had.... __________________ [/QUOTE]
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