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<blockquote data-quote="VOA_NIGHTMARE" data-source="post: 1373209" data-attributes="member: 555504"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Ghost Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Teflon Coated Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Gooey Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your *** 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Second Thought Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You're all done wiping your *** and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Bali Belly Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Right Now Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>King Kong or Commode Choker Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Wet Cheeks Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your *** wet.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Wish Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Cement Block or Oh God Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Snake Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Cork Shit (</strong></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong><em>Also Known as Floater Shit</em></strong></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>)</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Mexican Food Shit (</strong></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong><em>also called Screamers</em></strong></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>)</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You'll know it's alright to eat again when your ******* stops burning.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Beer Drunk Shit</strong></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Frightened Turtle</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Bungee Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit that just hangs off your *** before it falls into the water.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Ring of Fire Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your ******* feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Crippler</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Big Bobber</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Incredible Hulk Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Jack the Ripper Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your *** as it pushes its way out.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Party Pooper</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Toxic Gas Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Dirty Bowl Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Windy City Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Oh Shit! Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You shit so much and wipe your *** so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Never Ending Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">It's the shit that keeps running out of your *** like pea, and just when you start wiping your *** your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.</span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Ouch That Hurt Shit</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="VOA_NIGHTMARE, post: 1373209, member: 555504"] [FONT=Arial][B]Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Ghost Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Teflon Coated Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it![/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Gooey Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your *** 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Second Thought Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]You're all done wiping your *** and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Bali Belly Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Right Now Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]King Kong or Commode Choker Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Wet Cheeks Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your *** wet.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Wish Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit![/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Cement Block or Oh God Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Snake Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Cork Shit ([/B][/FONT][FONT=Arial][B][I]Also Known as Floater Shit[/I][/B][/FONT][FONT=Arial][B])[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Mexican Food Shit ([/B][/FONT][FONT=Arial][B][I]also called Screamers[/I][/B][/FONT][FONT=Arial][B])[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]You'll know it's alright to eat again when your ******* stops burning.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]Beer Drunk Shit[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Frightened Turtle[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Bungee Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit that just hangs off your *** before it falls into the water.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Ring of Fire Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your ******* feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Crippler[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Big Bobber[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Incredible Hulk Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Jack the Ripper Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your *** as it pushes its way out.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Party Pooper[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Toxic Gas Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]Dirty Bowl Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Windy City Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]Oh Shit! Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]You shit so much and wipe your *** so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT![/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]The Never Ending Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]It's the shit that keeps running out of your *** like pea, and just when you start wiping your *** your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.[/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial]Ouch That Hurt Shit[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial]The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.[/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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