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The Olsen twins have matured
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<blockquote data-quote="PopcornPlaya" data-source="post: 386300" data-attributes="member: 551837"><p>that reminds me of this check list:</p><p></p><p>Beer Symtoms, why, and what to do:</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Punch him.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: See if they have free beer.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: Improper bladder control.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: Glass empty.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You have fallen over backward.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You have fallen forward.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: See above.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Floor moving.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You are being carried out.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: Bar has closed.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect</p><p></p><p>and textures.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Cover mouth.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You are dancing on the table.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You have been in a fight.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: The beer is too weak.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: Beer is just right.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Play air guitar.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Ugly woman in your sights.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Up the dosage.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You've been walking into things.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Maintain dosage.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.</p><p></p><p>FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.</p><p></p><p>SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.</p><p></p><p>FAULT:Taking an ambulance ride.</p><p></p><p>ACTION: It's too late, you made an *** of yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PopcornPlaya, post: 386300, member: 551837"] that reminds me of this check list: Beer Symtoms, why, and what to do: SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him. SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have free beer. SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home. SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth. SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar. SYMPTOM: Ugly woman in your sights. FAULT: Insufficient beer intake. ACTION: Up the dosage. SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt. FAULT: You've been walking into things. ACTION: Maintain dosage. SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands. FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts. ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist. SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around. FAULT:Taking an ambulance ride. ACTION: It's too late, you made an *** of yourself. [/QUOTE]
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