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<blockquote data-quote="snova031" data-source="post: 4061674" data-attributes="member: 576899"><p>Listed below are 28 insightful ways to help the tainted sport before it's too late.</p><p></p><p>Consider this giving baseball a sick **** job.</p><p></p><p>1. In lieu of a tougher steroid policy, allow hitters to use giant red wiffle ball bats.</p><p></p><p>2. Inject the crowd with heroin.</p><p></p><p>3. Mic up each fan to the stadium P.A. so they can really yell at the players, umps and managers.</p><p></p><p>4. Replace 'Take me out to the ballgame' with anything by MegaDeth or Slayer.</p><p></p><p>5. Let "Body Suit Guy" roam free.</p><p></p><p>6. Allow wild animals to roam the field during live play.</p><p></p><p>7. Each time a team begins a winning streak, peel a section off of Bud Selig's face.</p><p></p><p>8. Insist player's wives attend games in the ****.</p><p></p><p>9. Bring. Back. Dibble.</p><p></p><p>10. Stop grabbing each other's Johnsons like you're holding on for dear life, ya sick bastards.</p><p></p><p>11. Install a trap door at home plate in every stadium.</p><p></p><p>12. Force all teams to outfit monkeys in full uniform to be first base coach.</p><p></p><p>13. Screw the current umps, brings in Drebin's crew.</p><p></p><p>14. Let Gary Sheffield attack pitchers that throw at him.</p><p></p><p>15. Hijack the train at Minute Maid Park and burn that thing down in Yuma.</p><p></p><p>16. Force the Pirates to bring out their relief pitchers in a wheelbarrow.</p><p></p><p>17. Let Joe Torre manage games virtually from his home in Maui.</p><p></p><p>18. Allow announcers to openly curse during broadcasts.</p><p></p><p>19. Don't let anyone in MLB shave for the entire season.</p><p></p><p>20. Force Tampa to play all home games inside a Hooters with Nerf balls.</p><p></p><p>21. Release the Cleveland flies into Joe Buck's hotel room on every road trip.</p><p></p><p>22. Provide a cabinet of tools on the pitcher's mound so they can really **** with things.</p><p></p><p>23. Force every player caught using steroids to use a chopstick as a bat for 3 months.</p><p></p><p>24. Every time someone mentions the courage of David Eckstein they should be submitted to a can of dirty Joba Chamberlain farts.</p><p></p><p>25. Make Bartolo Colon and David Wells pitch shirtless.</p><p></p><p>26. Put a toilet in left field at Fenway Park.</p><p></p><p>27. Find out what happened to the Expos.</p><p></p><p>28. Make the Rockies pitching staff throw underhand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="snova031, post: 4061674, member: 576899"] Listed below are 28 insightful ways to help the tainted sport before it's too late. Consider this giving baseball a sick **** job. 1. In lieu of a tougher steroid policy, allow hitters to use giant red wiffle ball bats. 2. Inject the crowd with heroin. 3. Mic up each fan to the stadium P.A. so they can really yell at the players, umps and managers. 4. Replace 'Take me out to the ballgame' with anything by MegaDeth or Slayer. 5. Let "Body Suit Guy" roam free. 6. Allow wild animals to roam the field during live play. 7. Each time a team begins a winning streak, peel a section off of Bud Selig's face. 8. Insist player's wives attend games in the ****. 9. Bring. Back. Dibble. 10. Stop grabbing each other's Johnsons like you're holding on for dear life, ya sick bastards. 11. Install a trap door at home plate in every stadium. 12. Force all teams to outfit monkeys in full uniform to be first base coach. 13. Screw the current umps, brings in Drebin's crew. 14. Let Gary Sheffield attack pitchers that throw at him. 15. Hijack the train at Minute Maid Park and burn that thing down in Yuma. 16. Force the Pirates to bring out their relief pitchers in a wheelbarrow. 17. Let Joe Torre manage games virtually from his home in Maui. 18. Allow announcers to openly curse during broadcasts. 19. Don't let anyone in MLB shave for the entire season. 20. Force Tampa to play all home games inside a Hooters with Nerf balls. 21. Release the Cleveland flies into Joe Buck's hotel room on every road trip. 22. Provide a cabinet of tools on the pitcher's mound so they can really **** with things. 23. Force every player caught using steroids to use a chopstick as a bat for 3 months. 24. Every time someone mentions the courage of David Eckstein they should be submitted to a can of dirty Joba Chamberlain farts. 25. Make Bartolo Colon and David Wells pitch shirtless. 26. Put a toilet in left field at Fenway Park. 27. Find out what happened to the Expos. 28. Make the Rockies pitching staff throw underhand. [/QUOTE]
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